I Love Korean Boys: The Problem of Fetishization

The verb “to fetishize” means to be excessively or irrationally devoted to (an object, activity, etc.)

 

*Disclaimer* Despite the title, this is not meant to solely point the finger at girls/women. However, as a female fan of Korean music this is from my point of view and my experiences with others I have come across, who also share my interest in Korean popular music.

 

“Stereotypes kill. Even the “good” ones. Stereotypes end careers, or prevent them from ever getting started. Stereotypes hide real discrimination, and excuse real violence. Stereotypes change the fate of nations, usually for the worse.

So hit “ESC” on the macro in your head and think, dammit. And the next time you find yourself trying to justify a stereotype, or downplaying a stereotype as “good” stereotype, recognize what it is you’re doing… You are the problem.”

 – N.K. Jemisin, “There’s no such thing as a good stereotype”  

When people make general statements (sometimes unknowingly) such as ”most Koreans are beautiful”. What does that mean? The population of the Korean peninsula alone (not including those in the diaspora) is roughly 74million inhabitants. How many Koreans have you met that you feel experienced enough to state that most Koreans are beautiful? That is a stereotype. There is such a term as positive racism. What happens is that when you meet people that do not fulfill your criteria for “Korean-ness” is that they get called “not real Korean”. There are numerous accounts of this happening with Korean Americans, or second generation Koreans in the West. The same way when a black person that isn’t the image of “ghetto” gets referred to as “not really black” or an “oreo”. It’s offensive.

People are often guilty of homogenizing Asians, again I understand how one may not be aware of what they are doing. Saying things such as “I love Asian boys” is an extremely bold statement to make. Asia is not limited to China, Japan and Korea (which a lot of the time is what people mean). These are East Asian countries. Even in East Asia there are three other countries and two standalone territories (under China). There are, in fact six regions in Asia namely:

asia

NORTHERN ASIA (Russia – Siberia)

SOUTHERN ASIA (Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka)

SOUTHEASTERN ASIA (Brunei, Cambodia, East Timor, Indonesia, Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar, Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam)

EASTERN ASIA (China, Japan, Mongolia, North Korea, South Korea, Taiwan)

WESTERN ASIA (Bahrain, Cyprus, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Yemen)

CENTRAL ASIA (Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan)

Yes, these countries, as of this present time, all classify as Asia. Surprised? You want to marry an Asian person? Doesn’t matter who? That means you are saying that all of these countries with their various histories, cultures, and distinct ethnic features are all the same to you. As long as they are “Asian” you’ll be okay? Granted some people are joking, or being light-hearted. I get that. At the same time there are also people that are not. I’m directing this to the people who really mean what they say. Why not “I want to marry a Korean K-pop idol/celebrity” or “I want to date someone who looks like a Korean K-pop idol/celebrity”? If you want to be shallow, be proud of it , accept it and don’t try to disguise it as “love for THEIR culture”. It really is the same thing as someone saying, “I want to marry a European”. You would get blank stares all around. “But Europe is a continent with many different countries and not all Europeans are the same…” you say? Bingo.

Being proud of having so-called “yellow fever” is a form of racism. You are not only trivializing a disease that is still prevalent (yes it really is, affecting roughly 300,000 and killing 20,000 people each year) but also saying you won’t date other races is…well racist, isn’t it? You don’t know what tomorrow may bring; you haven’t met all men from every race. How can you happily dismiss a person based on their ethnicity before knowing their personality? You would be happy with an abusive partner as long as he/she was a particular race? Whether or not this is what you believe, by making that statement, this is the thought that is implied. It is a form of hypersexualization.

Sometimes I feel like people who post things like “I want a Korean boyfriend/girlfriend” have this assumption that all Korean people are like their bias. K-pop does not equal Korea.

I saw a statement online once that read “I honestly feel bad for the people who can’t differentiate between their bias and the whole of the Korean population”. Your bias isn’t even necessarily showing their true self (not to say that Kpop stars aren’t good people). People sexualize Hyuna then go on to “slut shame” her. She has even said herself that she is not like that. She is doing her job. SNSD’s Sunny has unrivalled aegyo skills, but that doesn’t mean all Korean girls or women go around doing “gwiyomi” all over the place!

 

“Racism is not in your intent. Your intent is immaterial in how racist your actions are. This isn’t about you BEING a racist. It’s about you DOING A THING that is racist. Your intent doesn’t change it. Your ignorance of its meaning doesn’t change it. It’s got nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with the meaning of your action in the context of sociocultural history.”

 – Moniquilliloquies (via tumblr)

What’s wrong with just dreaming about having a partner who cares about you and respects you? If they also happen to be Korean, so be it.

When you generalize a specific race or group of people, you deny each and every one of them their individuality and their right to be who they are. Say what you mean. If you mean idol, say idol. It is understandable if you find idols attractive. It’s the star power that attracts us to celebrities, they make SURE that, as consumers, we stay attracted to them. They have first class skincare, that “Hollywood smile”, perfect hair etc. Everyone knows about the infamous, always at hand “co-ordi noona” to make sure perfection is the standard.

You can still be a K-pop fan without fetishizing Koreans as a people.

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Eileen

A proud East Asian culture enthusiast. Writer for BeyondHallyu and UnitedJpop. London based.
  • http://orion21.blogspot.com/ Orion

    The thing with young people who say these things is that they are truly all about denying individuality in general. Look at the cloning habit of kpop groups and the hard effort to give everyone their theme while still making sure they all look like each other. They’re version of an imaginary living doll. They have to have differences, but only enough for them to feel like an addition to a collection.They love the idea of a country full of “perfect men” so much, they never stop and think of how silly it is to believe kpop stars (or any stars) are what all Korean men (or men of any country) look like.

    And such hardcore fans rarely read pieces about patriarchy, spousal abuse, how wives have a certain air of a maid about their position in the family in some cases etc. They think dramas and handsome celebrities is what Korea is all about.

    The “problem” with this article is that those who will even read it all and have a mind that does think and their eyes open do not really need to be told this. Those who are so far gone into their delusions will probably stop reading and hate the sight of it, because they feel they are being accused for their awesome taste in men. If common sense did not stand a chance with their fixation, I doubt the words of an article will.

    That is the sad truth and that is yet another negative thing about the hallyu, but the glorification and glamorification of entertainment to feed its self-created consumerism in general.

    • Eileen

      I completely agree with you, but we can at least try to get the message across so that no one can feign ignorance right?

      • http://orion21.blogspot.com/ Orion

        Of course and that is why I read this, spread it and am commenting. It’s hard enough to educate people already, imagine how bad things would be if no one spoke up about such issues. You wrote a very much needed piece. Or, I assume this is the author. Sorry if you’re not. ^_^

        • Eileen

          I am, and thank you very much! :)

    • Angela Parsons

      not entirely true. I am one of the people who just had her eyes open by reading this article…

      • http://orion21.blogspot.com/ Orion

        That is good on you then. I was speaking in general and about the majority of really hardcore hobbyists, but of course, since this piece speaks of a big issue, it is good that it was written. I did not mean to imply the piece is useless. Far from it.

        • Angela Parsons

          thanks true though i know a lot of people out there who would disregard the article…too far gone

    • SakiVI

      In all seriousness, this article just helped cement my thinking how i need to cool it now. I’m not sure why I’m so obsessed with Kpop stars (I won’t call them idols since that creates an unnatural standard of existence for them, while as stars in their industry because of whatever talent they have seems fair and to reflect their work). But I just unfollowed a bunch of blogs on tumblr because I keep wasting time on them looking at these kids. And frankly, it hurt to hit unfollow, but there you go: proof it needed to be done.

      • AnMei Lee

        Good on you :DD

      • examplesample

        So you stopped a hobby that you enjoyed because of peer pressure. Nice.

  • SakiVI

    Jaehyo! Oh, right and the rest of the article too.
    Kidding: it’s really good. But I just really like Jaehyo. [turns red]

    • Eileen

      Glad you like the article! I didn’t know that the guy in the photo was anyone in particular, I just got it off tumblr. Apologies ^_^

      • SakiVI

        He’s Ahn Jaehyo of Block B. Hired to help sing the occasional ballad onstage and to look pretty. He’s also adorably derpy.

        [Oh shoot, there I go again…]

  • Zephyro

    Oh, one more full of BS article. Srsly, I’m almost unsubscribing to feeds. I can’t say from a girl’s point of view, but from a boy who likes asian girls (I still think you’re able to understand the context when I say this) there’s too much generalization (exactly what you’re complain about). Too bad I’m not that good in English to write a “counterclaim letter”.

    • Eileen

      If you read the article properly, you would see that “asian” is a term that covers many different countries. So no. I do not understand the context. My parents are Nigerian. If someone said to me that they liked African girls, I would say that is pretty vague. I would understand that you liked girls from Asia, but you could mean Russian girls for all I know. If you think I generalized in anyway in my article, feel free to copy and paste/highlight the faults that you have. I will personally take the time to address any of your issues. This is my opinion from my experience. Clearly you don’t think your thought is flawed in anyway. That is unfortunate, but I had an opinion and I expressed it with evidence and rationale.

      • Zephyro

        The point is: You don’t want to understand. If I say that I like cake, that’s not necessary means that I like all cake flavors. I understand when you use the word “vague”, but if I say to my friends that I like Asian girls (read: “feel very attracted to”), they’d know exactly what I mean, because they understand the context. If someone misunderstands, I could explain. You don’t have to be always that specific if message receiver knows what you mean.
        I’m a reader of a tech news blog which one of editors treats all Japanese, Korean and Chinese women/girls as “little Japanese women/girls”. It’s purposeful, but we (readers) know what he means.
        The problem is that your logic can be applied to many kinds of situations. While I can be the kind that likes to be precise in many cases, sometimes people don’t need (or don’t want) to be that specific.
        That aside, I wish I could write better English, so we could have a proper discussion about all the topics you’ve expressed.

        • Prion Indigo

          Your English is great. Where are you from?

      • Zephyro

        @disqus_uWqqM3XkJf:disqus, I failed at deleting my own comments (which I shouldn’t have made at first). May you delete them (including this), please?
        *Disqus does not permit user delete its own comments.

    • GeraYvonAnde

      I would consider someone who takes offense at this as someone who is quite ignorant of the content discussed, Eileen is not saying that it´s bad to be attracted to Asian people, but that Asian does not just mean East Asia and that there are people who believe that they will go to Korea and everyone is like kpop stars.

      • Guest

        No, you just missed the point. But, OK, I give up. I already read enough articles here to know the this isn’t place to discuss certain things.

  • GeraYvonAnde

    It´s definitely true what you say, but I think this kind of “subconcious racism” can be expressed by anyone i´m sure most people have met someone who specifies the skin colour, cultural preferences and even nationalities that they deem fit for themselves in a partner, people can´t help if they feel unattracted to people of different ethnicities but perhaps that´s due to representations of other cultures in the media or lack of interest so perhaps it is unfair to accuse someone of being racist due to their personal preferences. Personally I think that these things shouldn´t play a part in relationships and people should always look for the right person and not just the body and face but this happens everywhere. But given the context here of kpop and the krazies I think some of them need a wake up call to understand that the Asian continent is more than just the East and that they can´t force their bias´image on an entire nation and that there are good and bad people everywhere they can´t just assume all koreans are great people nor that all the other kinds of people are not good enough or not as good as people from korea. :)

  • Eileen Dinh

    Hi, I received notification that you were upset about your name not being added to your article re-posted on “omonatheydidnt”. I just wanted to let you know I added your name (sorry I didn’t see it the first time) and the article is linked directly towards this site. I hope we can compromise something to keep the article up on omona since we have a great conversation going on there and many of the users are going to beyondhallyu to check out more information. I apologized for not asking for permission first. It was my bad on my part. I really hope you’ll allow your article to stay up on omona since it really opened up alot of eyes for the readers.

    • Eileen

      Hi Eileen (sounds so weird saying that)! I think it’s all been resolved now, but thanks so much for your quick reply and sorting it out. I’ve been reading the discussion on your site and it’s really encouraging to see people’s views and to know this was a subject that needed to be addressed. Thank you again for your support.

      • Eileen Dinh

        I’m just glad there’s discontent on both sides and we were able to figure things out. :]

  • dk2020


    everybody needs to lighten up .. i don’t think anybody is that stupid to get sucked into relationships they don’t want to be in .. or at the very least make it a learning experience ..

  • luhunnie

    As a foreign woman who has lived in Seoul and dated Korean men for a while now, I can honestly say I (so far) prefer them as partners over my previous American boyfriends. HOWEVER that doesn’t mean I’m closed minded enough to say that I could never be attracted to or date a man from another ethnicity or culture ever again. I even have issues with the statement “Korean guys make great boyfriends.” Yes, some of them do and some of them absolutely do not.

    Not all men in South Korea are the same, and that’s precisely what I tell all these girls asking advice on how to find a Korean boyfriend. As pointed out above, if they really mean “how can I find a Korean boyfriend who looks/acts/sings like my bias” then good luck. I’ve yet to find a man exactly like Exo’s Luhan (nor will I–could there really be another creature that adorable on this earth?), but I’ve found some pretty great guys in the meantime! This was only after I gave myself a hard reality check though.

    I’ve definitely made my fair share of generalizations about Korean men–generalizations that are encouraged by the k-pop industry and the massive spread of Korean popular culture internationally. Oh, and through word of mouth by people like me who can’t resist telling all my friends how amazing Korean men are. Guilty T-T

    TL;DR It’s probably not accurate or appropriate to make blanket statements like “I only like Korean guys,” but we all do it anyway. Cheers. <3

    • Baakus

      Well said. It is indeed possible to be open-minded to partners of other races without making absolutist and stereotypical comments.

  • Ben88

    A few Korean guys start doing well, and that gets you worked up?

    Positive stereotypes for Asian men? lol, no such thing. Save your breath, honey.

  • bofureturn

    this fetishization of Korean men as a result of hallyu’s global popularity is not a new phenomenon. White men have been doing it to women of other races for decades with movies, TV shows, and music. Those who deny this are just delusional idiots who believe themselves to be exceptional enough that they don’t believe their taste or preferences have been influenced by the media. Wake up people! Most of us including myself are just part of the herd who are easily manipulated and enticed by what we see and hear. There is a very tiny segment of population that can claim that sort of exceptionalism and most likely you are not it. Hallyu and all the media content that is coming out of SK are just like the Hollywood garbage that has been brainwashing women of color all over the world. This is exactly the reason why so many Asian women have been opening their legs to White men. As a Korean I’m glad that we have become successful at spreading our propaganda like Westerners and brainwashing women into spreading their legs to us.

    • Baakus

      Crudely stated, but the core element of your argument is true.

      The media is powerful, and anybody who denies it is probably either dumb or benefitting from the status quo.

      There’s a reason why in all these online surveys, White men are always the most preferred type of men among all races of women. Which racial group’s media and cultural industries dominate the world? Whose faces do we see on billboards and advertisements?

      • rich carter

        the problem is the sheer dominance of western pop culture all over the world. as popular as hallyu is it is nothing compared to the global dominance of western pop culture. The west almost has a monopoly on the world pop culture market and they have pretty much been the only voice that tells the rest of the world how they should live. This is how they can shape the world in their image. Why do so many non white ethnic groups have preference for pale skin tone? Why do they have a eurocentric view of what is beautiful? why do they emulate western standards? All these things are driven by the fact that western media dominates our everyday lives and that this has been the case for so long that most people don’t even realize it. try going to any theater in a non white country and 75% of the movies playing in there are big budget hollywood movies starring white people promoting western way of life, beauty, and liberal propaganda. turn on the TV and you can easily watch popular american tv shows like sex and the city, friends, etc. Open up a magazine and you will see white models. people of color are way more exposed to western propaganda through the pop culture that comes from there than westerners are exposed to other cultures. What annoys me are these idiot white boys and asian women who date them that want to separate themselves from this reality of western dominance of world pop culture. So many of these people actually think that this had no bearing on how they came to be with each other. When you see a certain ‘trend’ in inter-racial dating, whether it’s asian women with non-asian men, or ‘upwardly-mobile’ black men athlestes and entertainers with white wives, it pretty clear that the MAJORITY of these couples are together for reasons having to do with any combination of self-hate/white worship, and racial stereotyping/fetishizing. If this were NOT the case we’d see more variety in the inter racial couples out there. almost everyone including myself thought that the korean wave would die off like the hong kong action movie wave in a few years but it has gotten stronger and more powerful every year. that has been the case for more than 10 years. at this point you can’t even call it a wave since it is here to stay. if korean wave keeps growing the way it has in the last 10+ years I fully expect more and more Korean guys to get layed by non korean women. I actually think koreans are going to be the only asian group in which more men will get to sleep with white women than korean women will sleep with white men.

  • 김 엘리나

    What a stupid article. Sorry but I’m so sick of people overusing the word ‘racist’ for everything. -.- Just because I find Korean men attractive and certain races not so much, doesn’t make me a racist. It’s called personal taste! Yes, maybe it’s some kind of “yellow fever” but what’s wrong about it? What’s with all the other people who wanna marry only their own kind. At least I’m not so narrow-minded!

    What’s with those who like blonde, tall and slim girls… aren’t they “racist” towards fat and short girls? You can call everyone racist then. Because everyone has certain preferences in looks. And everyone has a list of looks they don’t find attractive. Nobody speaks about it but everyone has one.

    Telling me I’m racist because I like a certain look, calling it “racist” because it happens to be that of Korean men, makes YOU racist, because you make a difference between people in the first place. We’re all humans first of all!

    • Em Jahay

      I agree with most of what you said.

    • lolamanda101

      uhm having a body preference is different than fetishizing a race

      • 김 엘리나

        how is that different? and moreover how is that a bad thing?

        If I said sth bad about koreans that would be racist. How is it racist when I say I like them/prefer them/ “have a fetish for them?”

        Why do white people feel offended when someone prefers certain races over others? because not every country is mixed like America? Do they have a problem that certain countries have certain looks, unlike their country?
        How come western people get so worked up over topics that Koreans themselves don’t feel offended about?

        • lolamanda101

          the final thing is it’s not cool to fetishize a race, doesn’t matter what race or who you are just don’t do it. it’s not racist but fetshizing is not okay. and btw im not white so??

          • 김 엘리나

            lol this is complete bullshit. sorry xD

          • lolamanda101

            okay so either you’re in complete denial of your own fetishization of a race or you completely think it’s okay to fetishize a race. which one is it?

          • 김 엘리나

            The second. xD
            Last time I checked “racism” was a bad thing, used when people offend and generalize entire races.
            Doing the opposite is NOT a bad thing! If you say “i like Italian/German/American/ Korean people.”
            And I never heard from anyone that he felt offended when people tell him/her that they like their race, culture, looks etc.

            I don’t get why you get all defensive when you hear that I like certain looks of certain countries. It’s my own business and right. I don’t accuse other people for liking blonde, slim girls/guys or certain hairstyles, fashion… it’s called personal preference and everyone has it.
            If you belong to those people who feel attracted to all kinds of looks, then good for you. I can not. And I don’t see why I should feel bad about it.
            I can become friends with all kinds of personalities but not with any kind in a romantic way!

            I’m Greek and I feel attracted to Korean men but not only.. i also feel attracted to South European men..
            What I absolutely don’t feel attracted to are for example black men or indian, indonesian, russian…
            And when I say that I don’t mean that ALL people from those countries are ugly or whatever. They are just not my type! I found attractive black men and not so attractive korean men too.
            But it’s the majority i’m talkin about.

            It’s my personal preference and nothing to feel bad about or sorry for.

            As long as I don’t hurt anybody with my “fetish” I don’t see where the problem is.

          • lolamanda101

            lmao smh.

          • Em Jahay

            for someone talking about racism and how wrong WE are you seem to got some of your own issues but hey never mind us PRIVILEGED white girls. being hated on for your skin color has made you over sensitized we get it well I’m out of here this privileged white ass has better things to do

          • lolamanda101

            “racial fetishization is racism.

            it is not a compliment.

            stop pretending that you are ~appreciating the culture~, and being respectful.

            reducing the many varied people within a culture to the parts that you think are cute is not being appreciative. racism is not respectful.

            stop.”

          • 김 엘리나

            You stop!

            you don’t even know me so what do you actually know what i appreciate and what not? this was about looks and personal preference… the culture is a different topic which i didn’t talk about. stop making me look like i appreciate their culture just because i think they look nice. These are 2 different things.

            Stop being offened for people who don’t give a fuck in the first place. I’m sorry if you feel jealous towards them because they’re so admired and you’re not.

          • lolamanda101

            smfh im hella done talking to your fckin privileged white ass, and oh wow im definiltey jealous yup. incredible.

          • 김 엘리나

            Done talking to your ass too, whatever color it may have.

          • Kmushbeauty

            Hold up. You said you’re not white and here you’re calling someone a “privileged white ass”. I think you have things backwards. That statement you made is racist. Everything you have previously said is now null and void because you have sunken to the level you despise.

          • lolamanda101

            oh i don’t know if you mind me asking but what’s your ethnicity??

        • lolamanda101
        • lolamanda101

          here’s more if you don’t understand my point http://blackinasia.tumblr.com/post/48365528529/psa-fetishizing-poc-bodies

        • Em Jahay

          I’m white and I have no issue at all about any of it I think the word racism gets thrown around too much for things that are merely human nature

          • 김 엘리나

            thank you! i’m so tired of people overusing the word racism…

          • lolamanda101

            lmao smfh ur white no wonder.

          • lolamanda101

            “racial fetishization is racism.

            it is not a compliment.

            stop pretending that you are ~appreciating the culture~, and being respectful.

            reducing the many varied people within a culture to the parts that you think are cute is not being appreciative. racism is not respectful.

            stop.”

            b/c u ppl cant get it in ur heads smh.

          • HypocriteSlayer

            You can be attracted to people without learning their language and getting all into their culture. It’s okay.

            On the flip side, if you also want to do those things that is fine as well. People have done the same thing to (and from) every race and culture.

            The DOUBLE STANDARD of it being okay for the rest of the world to learn English, eat burgers, play beer-pong and dress increasingly like Americans (as in the Chinese don’t walk around in fucking Han Fu anymore, they wear jeans and t-shirts like Americans) and fantasize about dating white people because of Angelina Jolie or John Cusack or whatever.. but it suddenly is offensive if white people or Americans or even the English do the exact same thing with simply the shoe on the other foot: is what REALLY needs to end.

    • Baakus

      I understand your frustration, especially since your fetish is for Asian men (which is something that Western society actively discourages because it hurts the ego of White men).

      If we lived in a perfect world, then “fetishes” would be fine. Preferring Blacks or Asians or Whites or Latinos would be little different than preferring personality types or hair colours.

      But we DON’T live in a perfect world, and unlike personality types or hair colours, race carries ENORMOUS historical, social, and cultural baggage that nobody is able to extricate themselves from. From birth, we are bombarded with very troublesome assumptions and stereotypes about races, and these inevitably influence how we view these races and formulate our racial “preferences.”

      I think it’s great that you’ve been able to fight off Western stereotypes in finding Asian men attractive. But you should also realize why many people are so against racial fetishization.

      • Em Jahay

        not everyone is influenced though I live in a multi cultural place it has always been this way and honestly growing up for me I was not subjected to seeing alot of racism. I am not saying I never saw any the N word got thrown around alot but that never stopped me from having colored friends or being attracted to the odd guy or two. people who have been under fire because of their race tend to be more sensitive towards sterotypes. I am white and I am not as someone said “Privileged ” which technically was racist of them to say people assume being white means no one hates on you or acts racist towards you but I have had my fair share of abuse in my adult years for being white. Being called the great enslaver. Its great to be aware of racist acts but to most people real racism is when something is done in hate and with the intent to cause pain.

        and people are still looking for personality even behind the race because a pretty face isn’t enough if the person has an ugly soul and a stone heart.

        • Baakus

          Please don’t say “colored.” Perhaps the term you were looking for “people of color.”

          You’re white, therefore, you have white privilege.

          I’m male, therefore, I have male privilege. I could be poor, disabled, ugly, etc. But due to my gender, I have certain advantages that I wouldn’t have if I were female.

          • Em Jahay

            I face as much racism as anyone else have you never looked at these article talking about race and how everyone automatically bashes on whites as if we are all the white devils of times long past. I am so sick and tired of people going on about racist this or that putting a label on me but fail to look at their own racism towards me.

            yes I said colored since everyone wants to use White this and black that and Yellow this people of color and colored people is pretty much the same thing. White people live the same as everyone else we are poor and starving and on the streets. Not all of us get the justice we deserve either and I can attest to that as I have been waiting 2 years to get a matter settled in court.

          • HypocriteSlayer

            People find it so difficult to understand that all whites are not privileged.

            “I AM NOT THE GOVERNMENT. I AM NOT THE MEDIA. I AM NOT “THE MAN”. I AM NOT RICH. I AM NOT OVERLOOKED WHILE SHOPPING. I AM NOT OVERLOOKED BY POLICE.”

            Until you walk a mile in their shoes you will never understand what someone’s life is like and should not profess to know. Just the simple fact that you DO makes you the racist one.

            I’m not even white, but I know better than to generalize them or anyone else with assumptions that they have things easier than anybody else. There are White kids who grow up in Black, Hispanic, Italian, or Asian neighborhoods that are bullied with racism their entire youths, some of them turn out to hate that race because they see them as all being racists (which they could hardly be blamed for) but some turn out to see it for what it is and realize that they are taught to hate white people by their racist parents, history lessons in school and propaganda. Can you imagine being maybe one of 5 white kids in a black school during the month of February when Black History Month lessons are being taught and movies like The Color Purple and the show Roots are being showed in classrooms and on television after-school? Probably not because of your narrow-mind.

          • Baakus

            You fundamentally misunderstand the concept of privilege.

            It does NOT mean that every member of that group has enjoyed life on Easy Street.

            I’m a guy. I have male privilege. That doesn’t mean that I’m somehow better off than, say, the Queen of England or some rich heiress.

            It DOES mean that all things being equal, I would have more advantages due to my classification as a male.

        • HypocriteSlayer

          You are right, not everyone is influenced in that way by the media. Things are changing in the age of the internet, even with biased news and media: the truth needs but to be searched for… it’s out there. Everyone who has the internet now knows this.

          You cannot turn on the television in the USA and see Bollywood movies in order to see and be attracted to Indians, the same goes for Kdramas and Koreans.

          The internet has proven that “it’s a small world after all”. And as the mulitcultural Disneyland ride that attracts people from all over the world, the internet has turned into an electronic “melting pot” at our fingertips.

    • HypocriteSlayer

      Exactly, and it’s all just more of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” way that people like to run the world. If you are attracted to Koreans you’re appropriating them and a RACIST. If you are NOT attracted to Koreans, you’re in-appropriating(?lol) them and a RACIST. It seems to me that racists are the only ones who have a problem with interracial marriage, dating and attraction. These are “racial purists” and “cultural elitists” that want to dissuade and discourage interracial relationships because they find it threatening to their own ends.. Such as “well if all the white women marry Korean men, there will be none left for me, or my sons.” or rather if a particularly attractive white woman likes men of a different race, we’ve got the angry white men standing on one side of her: attacking it, and we’ve got men of every OTHER race jealous that they are not Korean or white: attacking it, and we’ve ALSO GOT Korean women threatened by the possibility of her stealing the good Korean men leaving them and their daughters bereft of potential mates.

      WHEN THE FUCK WILL PEOPLE LEARN TO LIVE AND LET LIVE?
      *nobody answer that, it’s fucking rhetorical, and TBVH: IDGAF about any answers and do not log in to discus for months on end.*

  • Maria Alexis

    That is really true….T.T

    • Lizzie

      Thanks for reading Maria! Can I ask you where you found the article? We’ve had lots and lots of views today and we don’t know where they are from!

      • Maria Alexis

        I think someone did share this article on facebook ^.^

  • Cindy Le

    Absolutely amazing article. I completely agree. People making sweeping generalizations all the time about Korean people and Korean pop stars, and that just makes them turn into delusional addicts. I used to have a friend that was just obsessed with Koreans and would only look at Korean boys at school because they were Korean. And I used to know another person that only likes Asian girls because he only thinks Asian girls are attractive. Shallow. I myself am attracted to any race, be it that he will treat me with love and respect. Just because someone is of a particular race doesn’t mean they act a certain way. I hope more people open their eyes with this article. Thank you for writing it!

  • Em Jahay

    I get where this is coming from and yet part of me has to disagree with part of it.

    There is such thing as a personal preference. Yes Personality may play a part but I think it is wrong to say a person is shallow for wanting someone they are attracted to. The truth of the matter is we all fall for someone and find them attracted I’ve never heard a woman say ” he’s so ugly I want to marry him” I am a person who has a “Asian fetish” and mine is unrelated to Kpop.

    I have an Asian fetish because I am attracted to the way of life of many of these place . I like physical appearances of several of these places. I have found myself on numerous occasions being interested in a certain ethnic background. Was I racist as a child because I rarely even found myself attracted to males with dark skin? if they did not have white skin or slightly tanned skin I just did not see them in a romantic way at all . Have I been racist in only dating white guys because they were the ones I had a mutual affection with? calling someone racist based on preferences is wrong. I also do not see anything racist about saying most as long as you add That I have met . it’s not racist to base it on your own personal findings. Generalization is racist and I do not agree with it. I do not think you should put labels on people you have yet to meet and refuse to give a chance like this hatred towards Muslims that you can find almost everywhere.

    The thing is people meet people everyday they do not all just base it on kpop or jpop or cpop. I say I have an Asian fetish because I find myself attracted to most of the Asians I meet as long as a person is Asian why is it racist to call it as such? Are China, Taiwan, Thailand, Korea, Japan, Malaysia and the Philippines not part of Asia? Are those men not Asians? so how is it racist? I am not some extreme fan girl and I do not think all men should and are like kpop stars but I spend my fair share of time picture gazing and watching videos .

    There were some parts that were good in this but at the same time I find it could have been better written. Instead of pointing the finger on how everything in life that we do is some form of racism and that we should stop encouraging people to do racist things. A person is not racist just because they find most Koreans they have seen good looking , in their minds that’s what they think. The issue is more in how a person phrases what they say.

    • lolamanda101

      last time i checked it’s not cool to fetishize a race? good on your for admitting you have a fetish for asians i guess???

      • 김 엘리나

        You clearly didn’t get her point. Good for you if you can find all races in the world attractive. Some of us don’t. Deal with it.

        • hihi

          yeah and It’s annoying being called ‘racist’ if you don’t find people of specific races attractive. If you don’t like certain features you shouldn’t have to date them just so you don’t look racist. You can not be racist and still have preferences. Apparently in this disgusting politically correct world we’re living in we are no longer allowed to have preferences.

          • 엘리나

            I know right? That’s just stupid. If having a personal preference means that I’m racist then I guess I am one. But those hypocrites should stop pretending they have no personal preference.. everyone has one. Some of us prefer certain looks, hairstyle, eyecolor, body shape.And that’s okay.I know “inner beauty” should matter more but most of the time it’s the looks we’re attracted to first. And then we learn about the person’s personality. Rarely the other way around.
            If they are attracted to ugly people first and try to find some inner beauty afterwards, then good for them.. but that’s not how it works for most of us.

          • hihi

            inner beauty doesn’t even matter i only care if a guy is hot. lol

        • http://dismaydisco.com/ Victoria

          If you are saying there are entire races you can’t be attracted to, you are a racist, though. Deal with it.

          • GuardRabbit

            And creepy. Don’t forget the major creep factor of those statements.

          • HypocriteSlayer

            No, that is bull. You can’t call someone a racists for not being attracted to anyone of certain races. If there were a new race that emerged on earth of people with scaly purple skin and tiny bald heads with giant bushy silver eyebrows that look like the tinsel on a Christmas tree, and someone flat out said “I’m not attracted to them…” it’s not racist and there would not be massive gasps at their statement and finger-pointing, name-calling and shaming. So there is no difference in saying I’m not attracted to real races that have existed for centuries.

            There is even now.. this fucked up “As*aboo” and all of the other terms under that umbrella such as “W*eaboo” and “K*reaboo” which are the new “N*ggerlover” all equally offensive and disgusting terms.. yet everywhere i turn I see even Asians using this term to describe other races that find them attracted. Boo=Lover and is a slang that Black Americans use for the word, and just because the race or nationality that is placed in front of it in the compound word is not particularly offensive (I censored them all because NONE of them should be considered okay)..

            4chan (who are notoriously racist and sexist i.e. their #bikinibridge) are the group that invented the “boo” words with this purpose in mind.. because it allowed for a certain amount of racism to fly under the radar in people’s minds. People throwing these terms around are conceding the statement that they were making over their upset in people being attracted to them… which undoubtedly goes something like “Asians are the new N*ggers”.

            But the backfire: all that calling someone a “_Boo” or “_Lover” is going to do… is cause them to get further into it, because most people cannot stop being attracted to what they are attracted to despite whether what you say has any truth to it or not. There is then thoughts of “well since I’m being accused of it… I might as well go balls to the wall and delve deeper and swear off all other men/women since this is how they all view me now”.

          • http://dismaydisco.com/ Victoria

            Are you done now?

      • Em Jahay

        it’s not about the race it’s about the physical features I love men and women with almond and moon shaped eyes. I envy them because I find they look beautiful, but I am not racist. You just have a one track mind and that track is like a train set around a Christmas tree spinning around racism. You are so focused on how everything in the world is racist and racism at it’s prime but others aren’t so busy worrying about having a type they like being racist compared to being called things like “Ching Chong” and “Squinty eyes”

        • lolamanda101

          lmao you still have an asian fetish so u stay losing.

          • Em Jahay

            I am not losing anything I’ve dated white men most of my life I like men of all colors shapes sizes physical appearances I am just more attracted to Asians. And it’s my god given right you don’t like it you think I’m racist good for you coz the men I am interested in don’t give two left testicles that I am attracted to them.

          • julia valdary

            yeah this is freaking ridiculous! shes basically saying that if you don’t find someone attractive, then you’re being racist against them. no, im pretty sure i have a lot of guy friends who i am not attracted to but who i like as individuals. otherwise, we wouldn’t be friends.

          • Em Jahay

            exactly! this article has done one thing for me other than make me laugh and teach me that some places are in Asia though the people I know from said places never claim to be Asian . And I made at least one new facebook friend

          • Baakus

            If you don’t find an individual attractive, that’s definitely not racism.

            If you don’t find an ENTIRE racial/ethnic group attractive, then there’s a strong possibility that your “preferences” have been influenced by prejudicial ideas that are floating around in our society.

          • julia valdary

            not at all actually!! since i don’t date inside my own race, it’s impossible for me to go off of stereotypes because i know the facts. just because i would not be attracted to one entire race or ethnicity doesn’t mean anything. everyone has their preferences and they know what they find hot and what they don’t find hot. at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what i or someone else finds attractive in a guy, because it is merely our dating preference, and there are far more important things in the world. if push comes to shove and i find a guy whos of my own race, and i fall in love with him, then so be it, but initially that is not something that i am looking for.

          • Em Jahay

            I agree for some that maybe the case but since I have dated or been attracted to or have had crushes on men and women from many different ethnicities that does not apply for me. I could probably name 1 man from every country that I find good looking, I am from a place where being white is turning into a rarity.

        • 김 엘리나

          I think lolamanda is just a troll^^ why wasting our time explaining ourselves to her.. she won’t even make an effort reading our comments. Her replies sound like a butthurt kid who doesn’t understand and just wants to repeat her point. lol “mimimi you’re still racist”. oh very constructive answer! lol “smh”

  • Em Jahay

    After reading this and commenting on this I shared this article with one of my close friends. My friend and I had a discussion as we talked about this article and I am going to share the result of that discussion.

    The fact that some people exclude certain places as being “Asian” because the people from those places themselves do not wish to or refer to themselves as being Asian. For example Russians There are more Russians in my life that I have met that have all claimed “I am Russian!” fierce tall and proud and not one of them ever even mentioned Asia . Russia itself wanted to be considered European. There are many who are from Saudi Arabia who also do not consider themselves Asian but merely as middle eastern my own uncle who is from Saudi Arabia does not consider himself Asian. I have met Many people who have been insulted because they were called Asian . There are also places that were not considered as being part of Asia but those people themselves consider themselves to be Asian . Sometimes it’s really the people themselves who decide regardless of what the map might say. I am in my late 20’s and honestly I didn’t even know Russia was part of Asia, I thought it was European. Sometimes people think certain things not just because of the media but because of the people they have contact with in their everyday lives. That doesn’t make a person Racist.

    • Baakus

      Saying that Russia is Asian instead of European is like saying that Denmark is Arctic instead of European because of Greenland.

      If you’re just looking at landmass (i.e. the dirt metric), then yes, I suppose Russia is technically Asian. But the bulk of its population and wealth lies in its European part, west of the Urals. The Siberian territories were only added in the last couple of centuries, after Peter the Great turned Russia into a great power. Russia as we know it existed far before that.

      Moreover, the people LOOK European, which is important because that means they can pass for White and not deal with the issues that beset non-Whites.

      • Em Jahay

        before I read this I never would have said Russia was part of Asia, Because every single Russian I have known in my life and there have been many have NEVER called themselves Asian. I am afterall not the writer of this and have not claimed Russia was in Asia I never even knew it was considered by people to be that way I always assumed and believed it was european.

  • julia valdary

    i get what you’re saying and everything but i can honestly say that i would never date inside my own race. its not because im stereotyping everyone who is non-black or doing the opposite for those who are, its because im just not attracted to people who are black and i would rather date someone with a different culture and ethnicity than my own. the assumption is being made that fans want to marry koreans-and i am guilty of saying this all the time to my bestie-because of their star power and their hollywood looks, but though this is sometimes the case, there are a bunch of us who feel that we are attracted to them physically and we would be with or without their perfections. you claim that people don’t really love their culture, or are more in love with the typical celebrity but when you’re watching the shows, listening to the music, trying the foods, and even sometimes donning their clothes, you are undoubtedly being submerged into that culture of korea. so when you live and breathe south korea, it is only understandable that you would want to move there and eventually marry a korea because you truly are in love with the country.

    • Baakus

      I think it’s great when people are curious about dating other races, especially if that other race is non-white. Too often, we minorities are conditioned to think that IR relationships can only be with white people.

      But I do think that there’s something troublesome in your claim that you’re not attracted to your own race. Discrimination is always harmful, but it’s especially harmful when it’s directed at one’s own group. Most of the time, we chalk up prejudice to ignorance, but when you’re disliking your own group, you don’t even have that excuse.

      It’s great that you like Asian men, but does it have to be coupled with an absolute romantic disavowal of Black men?

      PS I’m not a Black man.

    • whateverwha

      I think your definition of culture is very limited. I understand what you’re saying, but saying that you are imerged in or love Korean culture when all you know is some food and kpop stars with a few Korean TVshows…very limited. What about history, religion, ideology like Confucianism, politics and social issues? Those are at the heart of culture. The entertainment is just a small part of it, the glamour side.

      • julia valdary

        i am only speaking generally to cover that side of culture that most fans are submerged in. i personally stay up to date with korean news, as well as the history, religion and their overall mindset that regardless of what religion they have goes back to Confucianism. I actually do research these things because i want to know everything associated with sk, but even if I didn’t I would most likely still find out about them indirectly through the media and entertainment industry.

        • whateverwha

          Good for you, but you cannot speak on behalf of most kpop fans. Most of them don’t read much about history, politics, current news and Confucianism. I’d argue that many don’t even have a solid interest in it, they’re just into Korea for the entertainment, which is alright. I said “most” not “all”.

          Also when you say “submerge”, I have to disagree…hm, when you (general “you”) are only interested in entertainment and watch Kpop MVs everyday, dramas, etc, you’re not submerged in Korean culture, you are simply exposed to a small part of it, a part that most internationals viewers won’t fully understand in a 3D way, which normal. We’re not Koreans and we don’t live in South Korea so we can’t be submerged in all this, just exposed to it. You can watch a drama on several levels. I remember this female blogger who “reviewed” a Japanese drama she had just finished and she said she didn’t understand why the characters acted a certain way or why was their situation so difficult. She had no clue about how difficult it was for adults in their early 30s in Japanese society regarding relationships/marriage choices. I suspect some other internationals fans don’t fully get TV dramas on a cultural or critical level. And it’s not like they watch history or political TV shows so watching BOF won’t give them many cultural information/clues. You see what I mean?

          Even when people read books about history or read articles about current issues or news, they’re only exposed to South Korean reality, with a certain distance, but they’re not in it, they can’t see it with non-foreigner eyes.

          • julia valdary

            I understand and I agree with what you are saying. I feel that you make a good point about how there is only a limited amount of how much we can understand about korean society because we are in fact not living in korea. However, I still stand by my main point in that our exposure and our knowledge of what we do know about Korea is reason enough to make us want to visit South Korea. It only makes sense that we would want to visit SK. I don’t think that there is necessarily anything wrong with this, because most of us won’t end up making it there anyway. And the ones that do will be able to see up-close and personal what life is really like.

          • whateverwha

            It’s aIright, it is indeed legitimate.

          • Em Jahay

            you contradict yourself you say she cannot speak for others but neither can you. There are far more fans out there trying to understand the history of Korea then you might think I know this because I am part of a meet up group that explores Korean culture. There are lessons in literature and in food prep festivals and movie nights exploring Korean restaurants and many other things.

          • whateverwha

            Can you honestly say that you are the majority? That was my point. If you take your time to read most kpop sites, you’ll read lots of ignorant or judgemental comments about Koreans so you’re not going to make me believe that most kpop fans are really into Korean history and politics.
            Also doing some quick search about a drama is not something that leads to real knowledge about the whole history..I talked about “solid interest” about Korean culture.
            Random curiosity is different.

            As for me, I did study Japanese history and South East Asian history for a year in uni, but I don’t remember much so I’ll never say that I have a solid interest in it and not even that I’m knowledgeable. I just have a big picture with some insight on these cultures. I know people who started studying Korean in uni just because they loved Kpop and wanted to live in Korea. Not because of the culture.

  • iGleaux

    These comments are sad. Ask yourself why your preference is your preference and don’t give some bull like “just because”. 9 times out of 10 it’s going to be based in stereotypes and social stigmas attached to certain groups/traits. You’re “personal preference” is built on a foundation that does not entirely come from your own thinking/free will. For example someone was mentioning facial features like almond eyes (mind you I’ve read numerous things from Asian people disputing this stereotype that Asian people have almond eyes), also take note that not all Asian people have the same features or skin tones even when they belong to the same ethnic group (in this particular case we’re discussing Koreans) thus you end up alienating some of the very people you fetishize. Lastly you’re basically saying the way someone looks is more important in deciding your partner than anything they can bring to the table as a human being. That you pick out partners like you would a pair of shoes or a couch. If you all can’t see what you’re doing and saying is problematic then you’re just being willfully ignorant and will spend your life getting called out and poorly defending yourselves.

    • Em Jahay

      everyone ends up being with a person they find good looking, it only takes 1 thing to make that person look good looking to you. I said I like almond shaped eyes and moon shaped. My ex was Native and his eyes are also almond shaped but I did not date him because of his eyes. I dated him because I was in love with him since I was 15 and was best friends with him. not a lot if any people will date and marry a person they are not attracted to be friends with YES of coarse BUT NOT DATE AND MARRY.

  • hehe

    As a Korean girl in her teens living in America, I can definitely admit to doing this. I want to marry a Korean guy, and this is influenced from K-pop. Even though, in my opinion, Korean families are pretty close-minded, my family is pretty open, but K-pop has impacted me too much. Anyways, interesting articles! I guess I’m guilty to fetishizing Korean guys.

    • Prion Indigo

      I*s it even possible to fetishize your own race? I guess then I would be fetishizing European men with certain features based on Victorian dramas.

    • Jeanne Jung

      I agree with Prion Indigo. Being attracted to your own race doesn’t count socially as “fetish”. As a Korean woman who has overseas living experience but mostly has lived in Korea, I never even pictured dating anyone of other race. (And actually that same applied to my Christian religion too) Now that I look back as a 39-y-o happily married(wed in 2003) mom of two, it just made easier for me if somethings were shared in a matrimony. That’s just personal preference one cannot argue with.

  • Euffie

    you know what? no. i wont be made to feel ashamed because of my preferences. i like asian guys. ive always liked them. its not something i can explain or give a clear reason to, but im tired of being told that my attractions are wrong. if i want to prefer asian men to any other men its my choice. despite what this article will tell you, im not hurting anyone. my attractions dont negatively effect the men i feel them for. if i wanted to date exclusively blue eyed blondes, i would. if i wanted to exclusively date men under 4’10 i would. its my life and the only people effected by my relationships are me and whoever i choose to be in a relationship with. if he has a problem, we dont need to be together. i think asian guys are hot. plain and simple. other races can be hot and ive certainly dated other races, but ultimately my preference is asian guys. for a long time ive felt ashamed, like i was doing something wrong, but i wont anymore. stop trying to police peoples feelings. everyone is different and everyone likes different things. you dont get to decide who likes the right things and who doesnt.

    • spiralyte

      What do you mean by Asian though? Asian can be many things. The point Eileen is trying to get across is that if you mean “Koreans who look like K-Pop idols,” then you don’t mean Koreans, and you certainly don’t mean Asians, so don’t generalize an entire race when what you mean is actually something very specific. It’s hurtful and unnecessary when all it takes is a change in diction.

      There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to K-idols, and undoubtedly there are handsome men in every country, depending on your personal attractions. But claiming that “Asian guys are hot” is a hyperbole, because you are then saying that you find ALL or MOST Asian men to be attractive, and you undoubtedly do not.

      If you think what I’m saying is a bunch of crud, ask yourself if you find Kim Jongeun, the leader of North Korea attractive. He is Asian. You might say “Well, he’s old.” Well, do you find all young Asians in their teens/early 20s attractive? Not celebrities, but normal students/workers/individuals? No, you can’t, it’s highly unlikely. So you shouldn’t make generalized statements when you really mean a specific group.

      It’s not an attack against your preferences. It’s how you choose to voice them. If someone told you “I like you because you’re (insert race here)” wouldn’t you feel undervalued (and creeped out)?

      • Euffie

        i mean what i said. i like asian boys. maybe i should specify east asians, but even that doesnt really cover it. i like them in general and i find a wide variety of them attractive. of course im not going to find them all attractive. someone can say they like blondes, but obviously they dont like every blonde they see. or someone can like tall people, but not find every tall person to their liking. i dont like them because they are asian, but i do find east asian features really attractive. i made a general statement because its a very general attraction that doesnt have a lot of specifics. you dont know me so assuming that i didnt mean what i said is a little weird. i absolutely meant it and i still mean it. the point is that i wont apologize to you or anyone else for how i feel. i wont make excuses or try to rationalize it because its something i cant explain. just because you dont feel the same way or understand how i feel does not invalidate my feelings or make them wrong.

        • spiralyte

          Saying you like tall people or blonde people is quite different from saying you like Asian people. Anyone can be tall or blonde – not everyone can be Asian. They aren’t interchangeable.

          No assumptions were made; I merely asked you to clarify. Again, you made a very general statement about Asians – that can mean anyone from Japan to Turkey. Regardless, saying you “find East Asian features really attractive” begets the question “What defines East Asian features?” Almond-shaped eyes, fair skin and delicate facial structures? Because not all East Asians look like that, and defining an entire race by specific features is devaluing the people in it. Placing interest value in a person’s race and “features” is placing their worth as a person beneath their appearance. (And I believe you’ve made comments in the past about how beauty should not be a factor in determining people’s self-worth, so you would understand this.)

          Again I ask you, if someone told you their reason for being attracted to you or having interest in you was primarily or even initially because of your race and “racial features,” would you not question that person’s logic? Because in that case, what differentiates you from any other person of your race who looks similarly to you? If you like someone in a specific race because of their features, what’s to prevent you from dumping one for another who looks just the same? Certain features aren’t specifically defined to a particular people; you can’t always look at someone and determine where they come from. You’d be surprised to know that not everyone who possesses what most would call “East Asian features” is actually East Asian, or perhaps Asian at all.

          The point is, you can’t define an entire people by their features, thus you shouldn’t say you like that specific group of people. It’s weird and hurtful to the people you wish to flatter with your feelings.

          This explains it in a really great way, although a bit crude and brash, but she was passionate. http://lightspeedsound.tumblr.com/post/28286812367/dear-non-asian-people-yes-fetishizing-asian-people

          Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not attacking you personally. Like you said, I don’t know you. I’m only encouraging you to look at it from the other side, from the side of the people you’re fetishizing. You don’t owe me any apologies and I’m certainly not looking for any. Just polite discourse.

          • Hikkilove

            Many East Asians do share similar facial features, the same way many other races share similar features. So if I met a person who found black women vary attractive I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. It’s when that attraction become less of an attraction (a feeling to draw you to someone) and more of an expectation to perform certain racial stereotypes that I feel an attraction to a certain race become a problem.

            If i find an man who is asian attractive, his race plays a role, but so do other factors. Attraction is very nuanced and has a lot of contributing factors. I’ve never once found a man attractive solely because he was asian, but his features might add to other things I already found attractive. Also, finding someone attractive is very different from liking someone as a person. I am not compatible with every male I think is good looking. I don’t think asian males are interchangeable or all the same. I think that I tend to find them good looking more than any other race.

            If someone thinks my attraction is “weird” I would question where those feelings are coming from. I don’t think it’s weird at all to find certain features generally attractive whether that be a race, a hair color, a height, or a body type. People form preferences all the time. Mine is no weirder than a person who finds thin people attractive. Would it still be weird if I was an asian female? I think it wouldn’t be.

            If someone finds it hurtful that I find asian males attractive I would probably laugh. There’s nothing to be hurt by. I’m not complimenting anyone by stating my preference, I’m telling a fact about myself. It’s not like i go up to men and say “i like the fact that you’re asian. speak your asian language to me”. I find it odd that anyone would be hurt by this. Who is hurt exactly? Asian men who dislike being found attractive? Asian women who want asian guys all to themselves? Racial purists? None of those people are people that I could find any time to care about.

            I’ve felt this way for so long that I’ve had a long time to think about it. I understand that there are females who, because of the influence of Korean or japanese media, have developed fetishes that rob asian men of their humanity and make them accessories. This isn’t me. I’m not on the hunt for my perfect k-idol boyfriend. I’m just a girl who feels attracted to asian men and is more than a little tired of being told I’m wrong, or weird.

          • Em Jahay

            Amen ! I definitely couldn’t have said it better myself!

          • Lilly

            There are even some Asians out there who have features similar to Caucasians, like green or blue or light eyes or light hair and rosy cheeks. (the people of the Northern Chinese villiage of Liqian is a nice example) So yeah she really should clarify.

        • http://dismaydisco.com/ Victoria

          If you don’t understand your own feelings, how do you know you’re not racist? Because you don’t want to be a racist? lol

      • Em Jahay

        I admire you for sticking up for the writer however you seem more relaxed then whomever I was dealing with because that person was not saying what you have been saying at all . I will ask you the same thing I asked before is it wrong to call an Asian Asian? are Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Malaysian, Thai, Filipino’s not Asian? so how am I wrong for saying I like Asians? and YES I like average joes that aren’t in the entertainment industry and those that are as well. On the internet we meet all sorts of people. Also saying it is wrong to be attracted to certain things we cannot help but find attractive is wrong as well. And why do our preferences matter to others in the first place?

  • zeakyarteest

    It’s just hurtful to be fetishized. It takes away your individuality. Suddenly, people who’ve seen stuff on TV and read stuff on the internet about your culture start trying to push ideas on you. Many do it without hearing what you’re actually telling them. It’s weird and sort of pretentious.

    • spiralyte

      Yes! This is fetishization at its core. I’m Hispanic/Latina, and I would not want a man telling me he loves me or is attracted to me because I’m “exotic,” thus assuming I will be exactly what my culture pre-dictates or what is shown on TV/magazines/heard on the radio. Everyone is different and it’s wrong to assume that a person will behave a certain way because of the way they look or where they come from. How about you get to know the person before fitting them into a neat little box of idealizations?

  • spiralyte

    “Why not “I want to marry a Korean K-pop idol/celebrity” or “I want to
    date someone who looks like a Korean K-pop idol/celebrity”? If you want
    to be shallow, be proud of it , accept it and don’t try to disguise it”

    Thank you for writing this article. Shared on Twitter.

  • Lillie Lane

    Totally agree with this post! I’m so sick of generalizations….

  • examplesample

    Whoever wrote this article is clearly single and probably has been her entire life. No one who has ever been in a relationship would assume that physical attraction is the sole factor in wanting to date someone. Besides, physical preferences aren’t even a choice, they’re not able to be turned on or off, so this entire article was a waste of time. Cultural preferences are a choice, and so what if someone is attracted to various Asian cultures over their own? No skin off my back, live and let live. Keep being butthurt tho it’s bringing the lulz.

  • ice_to_eskimos

    ok, I am coming into this argument/discussion really late, but one thing I have to admit, is this. Before becoming interested in kpop and kdrama’s etc etc All Asian men were largely invisible to me (yup shameful I know) I live in a very multicultural society, and have contact with people from all sorts of ethnic and cultural backgrounds. For some reason I just didn’t “see” the Asian guys (from all areas of Asia not just Korea) Now, they are no longer invisible. Yup, they are just guys, just like all the Caucasian guys and African guys etc etc, no better no worse, but I see them now! This invisibility is a well documented phenomena, and something that is problematic for Asian men (according to articles I’ve read) So Yay for the Hallyu wave, and bringing men from Asia into the spotlight in general. I hope they all get more dates out of it with girls from all over the world :)

  • Prion Indigo

    So is it basically wrong to say, be white and attracted to Indian guys. Or say be a Mexican guy attracted to white women? So should one just not care about or be attracted to someone of another culture (like if some Indian women are attracted to white men)?

  • Ilse Valkering

    I think a lot of kpop fans are attracted to the Korean beauty standards, just like a lot of American and European people are attracted to the western beauty standard. The reason why fans fetishize over Korean or Asian guys is because they like the beauty standard of the country where their favorite artist/actor/model is from, because their idols look like that beauty standard. Of course saying all the males from the country where the artist is from are attractive is a generalisation, and it’s wrong to generalise, so instead of saying “I’m attracted too Asian/ Korean guys” or “I want to date an Asian/Korean guy” they should say that they feel attracted to the male Asian/Korean beauty standard. It would get rid of the stereotype that all Asian/Korean guys are attractive, and would specify what they’re attracted to. For me, I don’t really care about skin coloroso, but facial and body structure is something I pay more attention to and when it concerns males I feel attracted to a strong jawline and a lean but muscular body > this makes me attracted to certain kpop artists. This might seem shallow, but outer appearance is one of the first things everyone looks at; it’s simply basic survival instinct. So yes people should stop with the stereotype of Korean/ Asian males/females, but it shouldn’t be wrong to be attracted to certain aspects of a certain “race”
    P.s. The same happena with one direction and British guys > a lot of one direction fans want to date a British guy because they think they’ll look the same as the guys from their favorite group, it’s a normal (but wrong) thing to happen

  • StarfishieT

    Funny, I actually got asked by some of my friends from Korea and Japan
    if I want a Korean boyfriend. My standard answer is that I don’t care
    where he’s from as long as we have a connection, as in similar interests
    and such.

    Of course I joke to my friends sometimes that
    that-and-that K-pop idol is ‘mine’ (it’s even to the point where I say
    ‘my hubby’ and people know who I’m talking about), and I freely admit I
    have had sexual fantasies about certain idols. But it never got to a
    point where I upped my standards to only ”Asian ” guys . I think
    SuJu’s Kyuhyun is good-looking , but so is Bradley Cooper in my opinion.

    I
    also appreciate how you point out that Asia comprises of a much larger
    area than just China, Korea and Japan. I’ve started getting annoyed at
    the use of ‘Asian’ to refer to that specific area , since I myself am
    half Indian.

    A while ago I read an interview with Aminata
    ”A*M*E ‘ Kabba (who also worked on the f(x) song ‘Beautiful
    Stranger’) and when asked what her no.1 boyfriend requirement was, she
    said that ‘he must be Asian. Fully, half or a quarter, I don’t care.’ I
    was pissed and sad at the same time. Whatever happened to being
    attracted to someone because of their personality ? I believe there’s
    also traces of orientalism (as defined by Edward Said) in there, in that
    the ‘other’ is both dangerous and endlessly mystical/mysterious.
    Lately it seems to be tipping toward the latter, which is worrying to
    say the least.

    Anyway, thanks for the article. :)

  • Sa Lee

    It’s not that easy to make people understand. For example I am a fan of korean music/drama/etc. and people tend to call me obsessed (but that’s just how I am. When I like something it gets 100% of my attention). When I talk to them about my bias, they often tell me that I have to find myself an Asian man. And no matter how much I explain that I like my biases in a non romantic way and that I don’t know if I want an Asian man, they still don’t get it.
    And that’s the problem with a lot of people, I guess. This issue is so complicated and I think these kind of people need to be educated about races and racism in general before you could make them understand what they are doing by lumping together all koren/asian people together.

  • Amanda

    My issue with this as that there is a difference between fetishization and objectification. Example: I have a fetish for older men. The guy I am pursuing right now is 38 and i’m 23, he’s also my manager. We’re really into each other. It isn’t just because of his age though, I really like him. I like our conversations, I like the way he makes me feel, we have similar life goals and I feel a connection. Having a fetish doesn’t mean you don’t see a person as a person it just means that there is something that you find really hot about them that is ‘abnormal’. If I said I was attracted to his six pack abs people would nod and say “obviously” but when I add that I find the age difference super hot people act like there is something wrong with me. I see having a fetish for asians or black people the same way. You can be into skin color, eye shape, etc. and there is nothing wrong with that. People are allowed to say that they find blue eyes the epitome of beauty but you cannot find almond eyes that as well? That is what a fetish is. Objectification is ripping individuality and personality away from a group of people and replacing it with delusional ideas about them. There is nothing wrong with fetishization but objectification is wrong. We already have these words in the lexicon so we should use them correctly. You just demonize and confuse people when you don’t use language correctly.

  • Quwanda Akins

    I don’t see it as a fetish, I just embrace the fact that most Korean men, or Asian Men in general are always looked down up for being so “small” or having weird eyes and for being ugly for their “race”.
    I’ve heard it all, even from my close friends.
    There is also Assumptions from my close friends or family members, That I am only About Korean men, Just because I bring them up when ever I say the type of guys I’ve been feeling for as of lately.

    Then they say I am trying to be korean, or chinese. <<< because that's exactly what everything korean person is to them.

    *sigh*

    Okay, so back to the main point of all of this, I don't Just like Korean Men, I like All types of another raceisnot a fetish not one bit. When you fangirl about said so boyband, or said so anime character.

    Idk, i just really thing it could be something more…..