Here are 6 comments people need to stop making about Kim Hyun Joong’s ex-girlfriend
If you are reading an article on our little website right now, I’m going to guess you know what is going on with Kim Hyun-joong but here’s a brief recap.
Ever since the middle of last year there has been an ongoing story about an ex-girlfriend of his who has accused him of various incidents of domestic abuse and assault.
The initial case was settled out of court with a public apology and admission of guilt (whether there was monetary compensation is still unconfirmed although his lawyers have now claimed she was given 600 million won). The story then re-emerged in February when ex-girlfriend Ms. Choi told media outlets that she was now pregnant with his baby after a brief reconciliation. Most recently, Choi has announced she is suing Kim for damages relating to psychological harm and her pregnancy.
Oh and she may have also miscarried a baby last year due to his assault and he has just suddenly enlisted in the army after a send-off from 150 fans all covering their faces (presumably so no one they know finds out they are supporting a violent abuser – or that they didn’t go to school today).
Unsurprisingly this has been dragged through the court of public opinion again and again since it first unfolded and also unsurprisingly there have been a lot of terrible things that have been said. Reading months and months of these comments is tiring and it is pointless to start arguments with every commenter who makes them.
So rather than do that, I have compiled a list of comments that people need to stop making about the situation and the reasons why. These are not specific comments but common themes which have come up consistently over the past few months.
“That lying bitch is trying to ruin Hyun-joong oppa”
If you think like this, I’m not going to get through to you so I won’t try. It’s on record that he beat her and he’s admitted it himself so that is no longer up for discussion. Yes, Kim Hyun-joong has felt negative consequences from this incident but he brought them on himself.
I’m not here to tell you what artists you can and can’t like but Kim Hyun-joong did something wrong and now he is feeling the repercussions. He is a victim of his own wrongdoing.
“They deserve each other.”
This woman has clearly made some mistakes by going back to a man who was violent to her and getting pregnant with his baby (possibly twice). Both of these people could clearly benefit from some form of therapy and emotional support to prevent this happening again. This, however, does not change the fact he is the abuser in the situation and that she is the victim. She has only caused harm to herself whereas he has also caused serious harm to others. Which brings us on to…
“Why didn’t she leave?”
This is a fair question to ponder but it is definitely not unusual for people who have experience of domestic violence to go back to their abusers. While it is legitimate to argue the point that it is unhealthy for a domestic abuse survivor to view themselves purely as victims, that is her personal concern and applies from this point forward. We, as bystanders, should not use this argument as a lens through which to view the situation. Use it to further your own personal understanding of domestic abuse, not to judge her past mistakes.
“This this crazier than a K-Drama.”
No, it’s not. It’s far more likely that a woman (or a man, as well) will find herself in an abusive relationship at some point in her life than find herself in love with the rich heir of a massive conglomerate. The 2010 Korea National Survey of Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence shows that over half of married respondents had experienced some kind of spousal abuse in the past year with 16.7% experiencing physical abuse. (For reference, this rate is five times higher than reported rates in the UK and Japan.)
This is a real thing that affects a lot of people, not the outlandish plot of a cheesy melodrama. The fact so many people have likened the situation to a Korean drama says much more about the issues with many drama plots than about this particular incident.
“She’s just a CRAZY BITCH!!! All she wants is money!!!”
Firstly, calm down. You’re far too emotionally invested in someone you’ve never met. I understand why building close psychological bonds with celebrities is comforting but being unable to accept that those people may not be what you think they are is not good for your own wellbeing.
Secondly, 1.6 billion won is a lot of money but we should remember that there is now a baby about to be born into this mess. That child that will need 18 years of financial support, minimum, and that should be factored into any proceedings. If her reports as to what happened are to be believed, the trauma she received is likely to affect her for the rest of her life. The 1.6 billion won is also probably overinflated and not what she will receive if her prosecution is successful.
Finally, calling a victim of abuse and violence crazy is helpful to no one. As I said already, Choi may well have suffered some kind of psychological trauma and it is not helpful to label someone who could be dealing with mental health issues as crazy. I would also argue that this applies to Kim Hyun joong for the same reasons.
“I would beat her too, if she acts like this” OR “I would let Kim Hyun-joong beat me”
No. This is not okay. Violence should not form part of a loving relationship (unless maybe if it’s consensual BDSM play but that’s a whole other thing). Learn some decency and self-respect.
Nothing a K-pop fan writes in English online will not affect Kim Hyun-joong, his ex-girlfriend or current undergoing legal proceedings. Who it could potentially have an effect on, however, are the people reading the comments. The K-pop and K-Drama fandoms contain a lot of young women, the most at risk group for intimate partner violence. There are also many people who have been, are or are at risk of experiencing domestic abuse of various ages and gender identities who are engaged with Korean entertainment news.
Calling a domestic abuse victim a liar, a gold digger or a crazy bitch will have zero impact on this case. It will not save Kim Hyun-joong from any legal action, it will not deter his ex-girlfriend from legal proceedings and it definitely won’t get him discharged from the army. But what it could potentially do is make domestic violence victims think they won’t be believed, that it isn’t as bad as they think it is or encourage people to stay in unhealthy relationships. If you really believe she is not a victim at all, you should perhaps also rethink your own attitudes towards abuse in order to protect yourself in future.
Whatever happens with this case going forward, we do know that Kim Hyun-joong has assaulted his ex-girlfriend. She is a victim of domestic violence. So whatever you think of the situation, whatever you believe happened or think about the way this is playing out in the media, if you want to say something bad about her, maybe you should take a step back, think and then stop. Not for her, but for all the people who have or will experience similar situations. Those people have to find their own way to recovery and resilience but it helps if they don’t feel like the world is against them. So stop.
Just stop. Please.